I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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