You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
