xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
