I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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