Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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