I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
