so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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