Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
