i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
