I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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