I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What a dumb baby whore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
