Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
