Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I look better un-naked...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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