hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
