Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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