tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
