ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can vaginas get frostbite?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
