You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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