Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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