i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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