so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
