he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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