I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
