i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
