so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
