We won't sleep together?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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