New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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