dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
