why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
