i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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