I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
