I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
