Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
