I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
