I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
