I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
