Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
