I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
