I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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