Got a toothbrush?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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