you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
