oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
