btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
