So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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