i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
