I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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