That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
