Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
