If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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