Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
