I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
