everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
